I thought I was going to have little girls. And live in California on the beach. And be driving a Ferrari by the time I was 25.
Really, that last one. It’s something I actually said when I was like 18 or something.
I will be driving a Ferrari by the time I’m 25.
It’s a perfect indication that I didn’t know myself so well. First, I don’t like to drive fast and I’m not really that big on material things and like why? I think I wanted to be Christie Brinkley in National Lampoon’s Vacation. Maybe that was it. She was so very awesome in the 80s. And the fact that she married Billy Joel. I was probably one of the only people who thought that was cool because —- I loved Billy Joel. Only Elton John topped him on my list.
I also thought I was going to be a lawyer. I imagined waking up every day and dressing up and going to work at a normal hour. And working long hours building my career. The idea of that makes me want to be sick now. I’m a girl who adores flexibility in my schedule. It’s my favorite. I also love working in my sweats.
So… what happens when life doesn’t turn out like we pictured?
Sometimes it’s just better.
Like how in the world did God know I’d rather be living in a ski town in Montana, driving a Suburban and raising boys? He’s so stinkin smart!
Sometimes though… we need to be reminded that it’s better.
I actually had this moment last week. I was just waking up and I looked in the mirror and remembered my age. And I thought, just briefly…
is this it?
isn’t there more I should be doing?
And then I shook my head and cleared my brain and thought— I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted.
But, there’s this weird thing in life where we’re supposed to be grateful and content and just joyful about all the gifts in our lives, but that feeling always lives right next door to the feeling that we should be and are called to something greater.
And how do you know if and when and how you need to be doing that greater, bigger, thing?
And how do you live with these two things taking up residence in your heart and mind and spirit all at the same time?
That’s the thing I’m working on. Living with both.
Here’s what I believe. We have to live grateful and content, with praise on our lips for the gifts – hearts beating, bread to eat, laughter, work to be done. We must. It’s the best weapon against darkness in our arsenal.
We also have to live with a longing for more. Because it’s how we’re made—to be creative, giving, doing, reaching, loving, moving, growing people.
Can we be content and longing for more at the same time? I’m venturing to say that we SHOULD feel both at the same time because that means we are living fully awake.
The struggle to do this is real though!
For me, there’s this fear that creeps up sometimes. Fear of missing out on what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m working on letting that go because deep down I know that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m loving my family and serving and working and putting myself out there.
SO there’s no way in the world I’m going to believe that if God has something more for me to do that He’s going to play hide and seek with me.
He’s not going to hide “that thing I’m supposed to do” and make me go on some convoluted obstacle course to find it. He may be waiting for me to be ready for it, but He’s not going to hide it. He’s going to put it right in my path. And the reason I’m totally convinced of that is my absolute belief that I’m completely adored and loved by my God. (you are too by the way.)
So… if life isn’t how you pictured it, that’s totally ok. In fact, it’s awesome. Say a little prayer and thank Him for the gifts. Then turn and say… please put before me what you have next. I want more.
Maybe… Grateful Contentment and Passionate Longing for More can be neighbors in our spirits that get along quite beautifully.
**I know some of you are thinking,” Nice words but, … I was just diagnosed with cancer or I want to leave my husband and I have these tiny ones who are counting on me or My heart is broken every month as I long for a baby … there are SO many awful things that happen every day to everyone. But, gratefulness is still the key. That and looking forward. So do both and do them as joyfully as you can! You warrior people are in my prayers. xo